When the Mold Doesn’t Fit: Faith, Womanhood, and the Work of Reimagining
What happens when the version of faith you were handed no longer fits—but you still crave the sense of belonging it gave you?
A close friend recently attended an evangelical women’s retreat. It stirred up a lot—not because of anything new she learned, but because of how much she’s changed since the last time she was in that kind of space.
When we first met nearly a decade ago, she was deeply embedded in evangelical church life. She’d describe herself back then as someone who had “drunk the Kool-Aid,” striving to live out what she believed was a biblical vision of womanhood. That meant being a stay-at-home mom, supporting her husband as the breadwinner, and fulfilling what she was told was her “God-given role.”
But reality has a way of asking better questions than dogma does.
Their finances were tight. She knew she had the skills and potential to work—and eventually, she did. As her career grew, so did her internal tension. She found herself wrestling with guilt and uncertainty.
➡️ Was she stepping outside God’s will by working?
➡️ By earning more than her husband?
➡️ Was she undermining his role, his confidence, their marriage?
These weren’t idle worries. For someone raised in American evangelicalism, they’re deeply ingrained questions tied to spiritual identity, gender, and worth.
But over time—through therapy, prayer, countless conversations, and real-life experience—she found her own answers.
➡️ Her work wasn’t a betrayal of her faith or her family; it was an expression of her gifts.
➡️ It didn’t diminish her husband’s role—it strengthened their partnership.
➡️ It didn’t make her less of a mother—it made her more grounded, fulfilled, and present.
Still, returning to that retreat space stirred up something bittersweet. She told me she felt out of place, aware more than ever that she no longer fits the mold. And while she’s come to peace with that on many levels, she also mourns the loss of community that came with walking away from a version of church that no longer aligns with her values.
That grief is real—and so is the courage it takes to keep showing up to your own life with honesty.
Faith deconstruction isn’t always loud or dramatic. Sometimes, it’s quiet. Slow. Uneventful on the outside—but seismic on the inside.
It’s the internal rewiring that happens when your life starts to outgrow your theology—and you have to decide whether to shrink your life or stretch your beliefs.
If you’re navigating that space, you’re not alone. And if someone you love is, your empathy might matter more than your advice.
This friend’s story resonated deeply with me because it echoes so much of my own journey—years of wrestling with inherited beliefs, asking better questions, and choosing to honor both my faith and my full humanity. It’s a path I know well, and one I now walk alongside others as they navigate their own spiritual shifts.
So here’s the question I’m sitting with, and maybe you are too:
🤔 What parts of your life no longer fit the mold you were given—and what might it look like to lovingly reshape them into something truer?
If you’re sitting with questions like these and would welcome a safe, judgment-free space to explore them, I’d love to meet with you for a free spiritual coaching session. No strings—just a conversation to help you reconnect with your voice, your values, and the divine within.
