If you could turn back time, would you?

If you could go back in time and change one decision you made, would you do it?

In my early 20’s, my answer would have been YES. I made a lot of unhealthy choices in the name of having fun, easing emotional pain, or striving for some ideal body size.

Now however, my answer is absolutely not. Yes I’ve made decisions I regret. Yes I’ve learned some things the hard way. Over and over again. No, I don’t think present Jen would like or respect 20-year old Jen much.

But all of those decisions, big and small, good and bad—they’ve all made me the person I am today. They’ve brought me to where I am, and I wouldn’t risk changing any of that. Butterfly effect and whatnot.

When Dave and I were just starting to date, we had one of those long, late-into-the-night conversations where you spill about your previous relationships. [On more than one occasion, this was a turning point between me and a boyfriend where the scales fell from his eyes and he saw me differently and as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t unring that bell.] What a gift I discovered that night when Dave wasn’t phased by my relationship history. He didn’t judge me, look down on me, or think any less of me. His feelings toward me remained the same and my heart almost exploded.

Many years later, we discovered the Avett Brothers who quickly became one of our favorite bands. In a song entitled “All My Mistakes,” they beautifully resist the notion of going back in time to change the things you regret. They say sure I regret things, but “all my mistakes brought me to you.” This has become a theme song for our relationship (and life!), and a truth that re-centers us when we’re tempted to wish we had done this thing or that thing differently. Every decision from the smallest to the biggest has brought us to the present moment – who and where and how and why we are.

What about you – is there a decision or action you would go back and change?

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